Life Without Children

Photo by  frank mckenna  on  Unsplash

Life without children

It’s not what I expected.


It’s not what I planned.


It’s not what I hoped for.


But it’s OK most of the time, and sometimes it’s really good.


And it comforts me to know that I did my best to have children,


didn’t give up,


tried as hard as I could.

So what does my version of a life without children look like?


Sometimes, it is quiet.


Sometimes I feel lonely, or sad, or regretful.


Sometimes, my heart still hurts.


Sometimes, I am busy.


Sometimes I feel relieved.


Sometimes I realise that it wouldn’t have been the life I had dreamed of, but a different life.


Sometimes I pine after lost dreams, sometimes I make room for new ones.


I go to work, I clean the house, I cook and I see friends and family.


I don’t travel the world, go to wild parties on work nights, or wear glamorous clothes.


I live an ordinary life, and sometimes do extraordinary things.

I am lucky to have an expanded family of fellow childless women who have become my sisters.


I am lucky that I have not lost my friends who have children.


I am lucky that we are still close and that we all realise there is more to life than kids.


I am lucky, although I still wrestle with loss.

The time when I could have children is in the past,


and I spend less and less time looking that way.

When I look to the future,


I see that my life has more and more in common with others,


both those with and without children.


I feel grateful to see the similarities more than the differences.


I feel grateful to have something to offer.


I have learned, loved and lost.


And now I offer my experiences to others


as I prepare for a life as a counsellor for childlessness,


ready to be a fearless companion


and advocate to others walking my path.


You are not alone.

If I can help you to find your own version of a life without children, then please don’t hesitate to contact me.

This blog was first published for Fertility Week 2018 on behalf of World Childless Week 365.