Life Without Children

 
 Photo by  frank mckenna  on  Unsplash

Life without children

It’s not what I expected.

 

It’s not what I planned.

 

It’s not what I hoped for.

 

But it’s OK most of the time, and sometimes it’s really good.

 

And it comforts me to know that I did my best to have children,

 

didn’t give up,

 

tried as hard as I could.


So what does my version of a life without children look like?

 

Sometimes, it is quiet.

 

Sometimes I feel lonely, or sad, or regretful.

 

Sometimes, my heart still hurts.

 

Sometimes, I am busy.

 

Sometimes I feel relieved.

 

Sometimes I realise that it wouldn’t have been the life I had dreamed of, but a different life.

 

Sometimes I pine after lost dreams, sometimes I make room for new ones.

  

I go to work, I clean the house, I cook and I see friends and family.

 

I don’t travel the world, go to wild parties on work nights, or wear glamorous clothes.

 

I live an ordinary life, and sometimes do extraordinary things.


I am lucky to have an expanded family of fellow childless women who have become my sisters.

 

I am lucky that I have not lost my friends who have children.

 

I am lucky that we are still close and that we all realise there is more to life than kids.

 

I am lucky, although I still wrestle with loss.


The time when I could have children is in the past,

 

and I spend less and less time looking that way.


When I look to the future,

 

I see that my life has more and more in common with others,

 

both those with and without children.

 

I feel grateful to see the similarities more than the differences.

 

I feel grateful to have something to offer.

 

I have learned, loved and lost.

 

And now I offer my experiences to others

 

as I prepare for a life as a counsellor for childlessness,

 

ready to be a fearless companion

 

and advocate to others walking my path.

 

You are not alone.



If I can help you to find your own version of a life without children, then please don’t hesitate to contact me.

This blog was first published for Fertility Week 2018 on behalf of World Childless Week 365.